it aint easy

complex. life.
crying for help everynight,
I'm really doing my best.
But no one see's what hides within me.
All I show is its fine,
Even when theres a thunder storm in my heart,
Even when theres a hurrican in my head,
I have my moments,
I offend some,
I push away more,
but all unintentional,
Only if you know that what I did wasn't intentional,
You'll see what hides in me,
It takes more than just thinking about what goes on in me,
If you really care, ask and I will share
If you don't, really......
'keep your comments to yourself'
The optimist in me,
is slowly fadimg away,
If i could find it, I know I'll get through this,
But until then, everyday i live a life
like a depressed child.

life aint fair
To those who have both your parents around,
treasure them cause they mean a world to you,
even if you don't notice it now.
They give you food and shelter,
and some the opportunity of education.
Imagine life without any of them today,
You will see that life suddenly isn't fair.
No, I tell you.... because out there
there are those who never got to meet their parents
those who suffer everyday, praying for their life's.
Think about it, your parents are the reason.....
the reason You are the way you are today,
no matter how they treat you,
bad.... thats to teach you to be strong
good.... thats to tell you how lucky you are compared to everyone
Love by your parents cannot be defined.
Sometimes you wonder, why is it so....
to me, its because I know they brought me into this world
so that I can make changes and be a movement
and I'm going to do them proud,
no matter what happens,
I will never send my parents to a home
because they already have a home with me.

I'm emotionally drained
I'm not the happy go lucky
Its hard to put on a smile
but
I know I'll come back stronger
When I find my way,
until then
it aint easy.
I'm sorry.

falling

feels horrible.... i wanna just show how i really feel everyday now.... but i can't.... i've got to pretend i'm okay with things....

I'm getting so tired... I feel like crying almost every time when I think about whats happening or more like whats not happening....

I just hope karma bites you back so hard that you're next generations in line suffer 10 X the amount of shit you giving my family. I trust that God is fair and you will be punished for yourselfish acts.! Forget about pretending you care, IF YOU REALLY DO! FREAKING PAY YOUR DEBTS THAT YOU OWE MY FAMILY.... To everyone single one of those selfish idiots who contributed to the situation I am in now. MARK MY WORDS! I'M GOING TO GET YOU BACK 10000 FOLDS.!

Im starting to really feel as if I'm going into depression from all the shit that  has been going on... I need a shoulder.... I want someone to listen to me...... I want a break........... cause Im really really breaking down, I don't think I can take more of this emotional drain...... T____T

FAB!

FAB! :) Forever abandoned blog!

lol sad yeah.. but really no timeeeee! gosh I wished I had more of it especially now! hmmm but im atleast im here now! when i should be sleeping! XD

annyywayy, life is and has been rough again.... but put that a sideee Imma to talk about my feelings now.!
hmm feels odd, I think its a new phase of feelings..  if you every read this, I think I like you more than you think I do! :P *shysssss awayyy*

ooo well :) anyway got nth much to blog about but gosh, life is just a big bummer for now.... I know I'll get through it jsut a matter of time!